Covid-19, Pulmonary Fibrosis And Fear

I've been very lucky in my life of 76 years. I've survived a lot. Twenty-six years ago, the upper lobe of my right lung was removed along with a malignant tumor. It placed stress on some physical activities then and required a time of healing. In 2014 I had another run-in with cancer, this time in my colon. Again, surgery, healing and lifestyle changes. 

That was then, this is now. A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis, a terminal illness complicated by Emphysema. I've probably had it for a longer period of time but now it's very evident. I use supplemental oxygen 24/7 and struggle with pretty basic activities. I'm staring my mortality in the face during the Covid-19 pandemic.

As it turns out, doctors are finding that individuals struck by the Covid-19 virus, in some cases, experience lung damage very similar to fibrosis, scarring of the lung tissue that impacts the everyday functions of the lungs. Pulmonary Fibrosis is a progressive disease where tissue in the lungs becomes hardened like glass and less and less functional. There are medicines that try to slow it down or stop the progression but they seem to work in some cases and not others. They are also extremely expensive and come with various unpleasant side effects. I've been taking one of these for close to a year. 

Pulmonary Fibrosis is also considered a rare disease. Research resources have been fairly limited and most treatments are experimental. Due to Covid-19 and the reported similar pulmonary impact on the folks who have become known as "long haulers", some of this is changing. Doctors and researchers are looking at Pulmonary Fibrosis and treatments as more people are impacted long term by Covid-19. Perhaps something new will come from the additional research.

In the meantime, people like myself with Pulmonary Fibrosis or IPF as it's known, are extremely vulnerable to respiratory failure as a result of contracting Covid-19. The fear of exposure and the self-imposed physical isolation is pretty extreme. There is very little outside activity that is safe. Some is necessary, like blood tests due to the potency of the medication prescribed. Most Doctor visits are via computer with a few exceptions. I am pretty much tethered by 50' of oxygen tubing which allows for a simple walking exercise program through my house. 

I have the best caregiver and aide, my spouse, Jeannette. She spends time in isolation with me, getting out for longer walks as well as outside yard and garden work in better weather. She finds curbside shopping alternatives in our rural community. She keeps me positive and we help each other laugh. We organize, we plan. We enjoy nature from windows and decks. I try to stay relevant by reading and writing but my energy level sometimes keeps me stuck in the same place, both physically and mentally.

With all of this going on, it's important to understand that there's always someone having a more difficult time than you or me. There are people who's health situation is worse than mine. But there are others too. Young people struggling to pay their rent or their mortgage. Homeless people trying to make it while living on the street. Families without food trying to figure out where meals will come from and how children will be fed. People working at or dying in hospitals. Families are losing loved ones at an astronomical rate, sometimes without the chance to say goodbye. These are difficult times to say the least. Many of us are living in fear, perhaps for different reasons but the fear is very real. 

Watching our government fail us is hard. It's debilitating. Watching fellow citizens casually blow off Covid-19 and refuse to follow basic health and safety precautions is stunning. People like me who are seriously compromised by health conditions need the help of people who care enough to take precautions for themselves and others. We also need help from federal and state government. Responding to a pandemic isn't a State's Rights issue. It's very clear that states don't have the resources to vaccinate everyone. They don't have the resources to do that and do contact tracing. I for one would much rather see our military assisting states and citizens instead of waging or responding to battles. We know that the military is capable of building hospitals and/or mobile vaccination sites. That's what we all need right now - people caring about each other and not worrying about whose job it is. Wear those masks and wash your hands. Help out where you can.

Doing Justice and Granting Mercy

A President's pardon power is allowed under the US Constitution for two very specific reasons. First to do justice and second to grant mercy. The framers recognized that justice is sometimes strained, sometimes not given and sometimes misguided. They also recognized that there are times when mercy is called for even if guilt has been established. These are lofty and valuable thoughts and beliefs. There is a recognition that sometimes systems breakdown and don't work and also that there are times when mercy can and should be given.

Of course these were mere men, centuries ago. They were striving for an ideal and there were religious connotations associated with much of their work. Their's was an experiment that they fiercely debated and took a chance on. I doubt that they had any idea of how long things would last or how complicated the world and their country would become. Just like us, they weren't prepared for the likes of Donald Trump.

We have witnessed again why the choice of leaders is so important. Business leaders, church leaders, political leaders, community leaders - all are of critical importance. Clearly there have been tons of errors in the past in choosing leaders but it never hurts to try to understand what happened and why. Ethics and values are sometimes breached. Poor decision making takes a toll and leaders are removed and changed. Yes choosing leaders is no light task.

Justice is no light task either. There are hundreds of thousands of people right now suffering from injustice. Lives are being wasted in prison cells for minor infractions or due to poor and unfair representation. And there are more examples than prison. People being evicted from homes or businesses. People being discriminated against. People dying due to health system inequalities. No, justice is no light task.

All of this brings me back to Donald Trump's Presidential Pardon spree which is far from over. Doing justice and granting mercy would imply that the person doing these things is capable of understanding them. I don't believe Donald Trump has this capability. What we're seeing is get out of jail free cards for friends, loyalists, political cronies, grifters, war criminals and most likely family members. Justice and mercy are missing in the equation and in the meantime true justice and real mercy for people who deserve it is ignored. 

What's Happened To Us?

America has always been presented as the best, the brightest, the most generous, the most democratic country in the world. Americans have presented themselves and their country in this way as they've traveled or as they sat home living their lives among their families and friends and in a wide variety of communities - large cities, rural communities, small villages and hamlets.

But then Donald Trump came along and impacted not just America but the entire world. Sadly, he represents something much bigger and longstanding - selfishness, hatred, bigotry, bullying, power and superiority are all part of it. His greatest and most relentless harm though is in his repetition of lies that feed on people's mistrust and sometimes hatred for their own government. Honestly, most people have this mistrust of government or management built into their DNA. Like anything else, some of it is deserved and healthy. It's a mixed bag when it comes to anti government promoters. There have been great and important anarchists over the centuries as well as dangerous and crazy ones. Conspiracy theorists haven't helped. But those who have wanted to exploit this mistrust have had a field day.

Certainly none of us like to be pushed around by government, told what to do or what to believe. We like to think we have that independent streak that built America in the first place. On the other hand, a concern for the common good and for people in trouble pulls at us from another direction. Some say it's religious beliefs, others say it's just a basic quality of humanity. There are values at work here - basic values of dignity, fairness, equality, compassion, empathy and more.

But here we are in 2020 and something has gone seriously wrong after four years of constant spewing of alternate realities. We let one man feed our anger and frustration, our fear of each other. We've stood by and watched over 300,000 of our fellow citizens die. Somewhere we became numb to the magnitude of that number. But it gets worse. We've allowed some to feed on the fear and hate of brothers and sisters of color. It has been a long time coming. Institutions meant to protect us all - police and courts have discriminated and hurt and, in too many cases, killed people in our name. Over the past few months we have watched executions ramp up as a Presidential term ends. We have seen even somewhat progressive states and governors continue to house large numbers of prisoners in close quarters during a pandemic and not even think about where these souls will fall on a priority list for vaccinations.

In many cases the pandemic has brought out the best and the worst in people. There are certainly heroes in public health, clinics and hospitals but then look at the anti maskers and party goers who seem to enjoy putting others at risk as they celebrate their independence. There are other selfish people like corporate leaders taking money meant for small businesses, churches and synagogues fighting legal battles to act irresponsibly with the lives they are purporting to serve. Businesses refusing to follow restrictions. Politicians celebrating their independence from facts and science.

Yes, we all need to look at each other and talk to each other about what we've become during the past four years. Why have we failed each other so badly? Why did we become so callous about the deaths of so many people? Why didn't we all rise up sooner and louder and more effectively? Most importantly, we have to ask will we let it happen again? 

Roger Allen LaPorte 1943-1965

Every year at this time, I find myself pondering and remembering Roger LaPorte, a young man and colleague at the Catholic Worker in NYC. It has been fifty five years since the death of Roger by self immolation in opposition to the war in Vietnam and the violence of all wars.  Others have speculated about Roger and his action, sometimes speaking for organizations. I just speak for myself as someone who knew Roger at the time.

Roger worked with me and others at the Worker, cooking meals, feeding the hungry and providing clothing and shelter to men and women on the Bowery, the skid row of the city at the time. Roger had become a part of the small community of mostly young people associated with the Catholic Worker, workers and the peacemakers. His interaction with Dorothy Day was casual like many who volunteered.

His death did create controversy within the Catholic Worker and among its followers. Dorothy Day was impacted by these events, thinking and writing about her duty as the leader of a movement opposed to war and her responsibility for young people demonstrating and going to jail. Thomas Merton took positions from afar. People began speaking for the Worker who had very little knowledge of Roger or his thoughts. Dan Berrigan knew the small community impacted by Roger's death and stepped in to comfort and console. As with so much more, it was a point in time. People evolve in thoughts and knowledge. It's part of our humanity.

Before his action, Roger was raising questions about the inadequacy of people's response to the war and the foolishness, perhaps selfishness, of some of the protests that were taking place. He questioned the draft card burning demonstration that had taken place just a few days before. He knew he opposed the war in Vietnam and had participated in demonstrations against it but was any of it enough? On the morning of Nov. 9th, 1965, Roger walked downtown, poured gasoline on himself and lit a match on the sidewalk in front of the United Nations. He died a slow and painful death the next day. 

Roger's life was clearly important as was his final act. War is real and painful for many. Peacemaking is also real and at times painful. Here are some pieces I've written in the past about Roger, his life and death. I hope he will always be remembered:

Previous Roger LaPorte Postings

Fifty Five Years Ago At Union Square

On Nov. 6, 2020, it will be fifty five years since five men stood together on a platform at Union Square in NYC and burned their draft cards celebrating free speech, opposing the draft and the war in Vietnam. They were joined on the platform by two giants of the peace and social justice movements, Dorothy Day, co-founder of the Catholic Worker movement and A.J. Muste, clergyman and political activist. The action took place in front of 1500 supporters as well as a large group of counter protesters. It was organized by a coalition of antiwar groups at the time. The lead was taken by the Committee for NonViolent Action. Other organizations involved included the War Resisters League, the Catholic Peace Fellowship and the Catholic Worker.

The five men were Tom Cornell of the Catholic Peace Fellowship, Marc Edelman a young draft resister, Roy Lisker, a writer and activist, David McReynolds of the War Resisters League and myself, Jim Wilson, a resister and Catholic Worker. As it happens I was the only participant who was actually classified as 1-A and eligible for the draft. 

In the first attempt at burning our cards, someone in the crowd shot a fire extinguisher at the flames associated with our burning cards. Due to earlier shouts by counter protesters that we should burn ourselves instead of our cards, we and others thought it may have been gasoline being sprayed and we all stepped back briefly. Regrouping, we relit the pieces of paper that symbolized thousands of young men being called upon to fight a war that many questioned.

There were three aspects to the draft card burning at Union Square. One was to protest the war in Vietnam that was becoming increasingly unpopular. It should be remembered that this was very early in protests against that war. The second was to protest the draft itself and the selective service system that was choosing who would fight in that and other wars, predominantly the poor and men of color. The third aspect was to speak up for the First Amendment and protect the right to free speech and protest. Earlier in the year, Congress had passed a law that specifically made it illegal to destroy a draft card. The penalty was five years in prison and/or a $10,000 fine. This legislation was a direct result of more and more people speaking out against the war and public demonstrations that included draft card burning. The legislation was meant to stop the protests and intimidate protestors. A month earlier, in October of '65, David Miller became the first person to publicly challenge the new law and he was quickly arrested and charged. 

On Nov. 6th, the five men mentioned above publicly burned their cards in solidarity and in support of Miller. Three, Cornell, Edelman and Lisker received sentences of six months in prison after a lengthy court battle. One, David McReynolds, wasn't charged due to his age. I plead guilty to the charge and received 2 years probation but I was quickly inducted as a direct result of the card burning. I refused induction and served two years of a three year sentence in Federal Prison.

Today there are many who don't know what draft cards were or what they symbolized. There are those who have no memory of the Selective Service System of that time, the lottery that many feared or the draft itself. Ultimately the draft ended, in no small part because of demonstrations and sacrifices made by many during this period of unrest and protest. Relative to the five protesters that day, Tom Cornell and I are the only participants of the demonstration who are still alive.

Three days after this event at Union Square, a young man and fellow Catholic Worker by the name of Roger LaPorte immolated himself on the sidewalk in front of the United Nations to protest this and every war. He died the following day.

Dorothy Day was one of many women who supported resisters and who worked against the war. Young men, women and families on both sides of the issue were impacted by the war in many different ways and there are still stories to be told. 

Some places to see or learn more:

The Boys Who Said No - website

City of Belief - a novel

Draft Card Burning Video