Cancer Survival, Transitions, Anxiety and Depression

As I sit listening to Irish music on another St. Patrick's Day I realize that is the way many things are measured as a Cancer survivor - another St. Patrick's Day, another this or another that. There is always a gnawing that makes you wonder, is this the last or the contiuonce of many? Now I need to say up front that I certainly don't speak for all Cancer survivors. Perhaps I speak for a few or perhaps just myself but I do think it's important to share these thoughts. It certainly helps me and maybe someone else out there struggling with their own mortality issues.

In the mid 90's I had a malignant tumor removed along with the upper lobe of my right lung. I didn't need or have any radiation or chemotherapy. Last May I was diagnosed with colon Cancer and operated on in June to have the bad part of the colon removed. I've had three month followups since and have been deemed ok, again with no need for radiation or chemotherapy. All great news you would think and so did I. But then there is the transition that occurs with each follow up visit. The gratefulness turns fairly quickly to fear and anxiety. Silly to some I guess but there it is. When everyone thinks you should be happy and celebrating life, you find yourself questioning everything.

Some of this questioning if gone unchecked or without support can and does lead to bouts of depression. Somehow we've figured out how to heal the body, or try to heal the body, without much thought about the mind. Most Cancer survivors find support from other survivors. Their experiences are helpful and there's a shared understanding of the ups and downs of life with Cancer.

This week I have another one of my three month follow ups. It requires a blood test to help find and identify specific markers. My appointment date has been changed three times due to my Dr.'s schedule. Hopefully my lab work will catch up with the schedule. So with an appointment scheduled this month my anxiety started to kick in at full speed about a month ago. An odd toothache, the swelling in my ankle on my trip to Selma, symptoms of a sore throat and real or imagined swollen glands all help to add to my diagnosis that things are bad, real bad. That's how the mind and the body work, at least my mind and body.

Healthcare Providers try hard to deal with all of this but again, their main focus is the body and what's real or what they can find. Survivors deal with both the mind and the body and many times don't know what's right or wrong. In addition there's always the apprehension that you'll be viewed as a hypochondriac or the boy crying wolf and of course none of us can afford that.

I think about others with Cancer during these times too. Those who have been lucky like myself and those not so lucky - young and old, females and males, friends and strangers. I think about their lives, what they've done and hopefully what they'll continue to do. Those we lost are missed.

So I say, thank God for Irish music, Irish stories and another St. Patrick's Day.  On top of that Easter is right around the corner!