Aging With Grace, Or At Least Trying

Aging comes on some of us suddenly. Others may know it's coming for many years. I would guess we all have some different experiences based on lots of things - genes, physical and mental health, lifestyles and support systems.

Personally I feel my aging has hit me quite suddenly, although I'm sure if I look back, I might have seen it coming. My eyes just weren't that wide open and like everyone else, I had things to do, places to be and was just too damn busy to concentrate on the inevitable. This year I turned 72. That will sound young to some and very old to others. It's all relative and depends on your perspective. But yes I'm feeling my age, struggling with some health issues and coming to grips with the aging process.

A few days ago I was out and stopped for a bite to eat at lunch time. I watched a group of older gentleman and thought about their banter, actions and so forth. Some of my thoughts weren't that complimentary, laced with ageism and a high horse attitude about these old guys. At a certain point I realized that in reality, most of them were probably younger then me. That helped set some things straight in my mind.

Then the other day I walked past a mirror and caught a glimpse of someone I thought I knew. Was it my father? No, it couldn't be. He passed away when he was 85. Lets see that was about 20 years ago but I remember how he looked. Something like that fellow in the mirror. Or was it my brother. Looked a bit like him. He's going on 76 and it looked a bit like him. Same slouch and shuffle. But no, the reality hit. There I was, looking at myself and wondering when all that happened.

Some things with my health changed this year. I became very aware that I just can't do the same things that I used to in terms of physical activity. I certainly tire more easily and there is more shortness of breath upon exertion. Much of that is related to my Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder (COPD), emphysema and bronchitis, all caused and aggravated by years of smoking. But this year it has become a bit more noticeable and challenging and medications have their issues and side effects.

But not being able to do the things that you used to, does have an impact on your thinking and that's some of where I'm at. It really comes down to dealing with the reality of what you can and can't do.

But aging is bigger than all of that. It also has to do with remembering the great things you may have done along with the reminders and review of those things you either screwed up royally or that you just, plain and simple, didn't do. And yes, all of that is a very real part of aging. Identifying things done well and things left undone, at least until now. A serious review has to take place and undone things need to be attempted or at least resolved in some way. But, and this is the real problem, it all happens so quickly. It's the blink of an eye in the scheme of things, even though it may have been the past 20 or 30 years. So, in addition to becoming as comfortable as possible with inevitable physical changes, I know I have lots of things to do and I'm moving forward on those. I hope I do all of this gracefully and I hope I get a chance to ask for forgiveness where necessary and to congratulate and praise all those who deserve it. And one more thing - as I walk past that mirror every day, I'll try to remember to wink at that nice old man and give him a smile.

Computer Finally Forces Action

I nudged it along for too many months. Pushed it to its limits I guess. Added new software and operating system. Added RAM. I fought it on a daily basis. Spinning beach balls and lock ups or freezes. I pleaded, prayed and begged my little machine to keep going. Please don't put me through the pain of having to leave you, divorce you, find a home for you, smash you, etc., etc. It was all in vain and I finally drove to the store, bought a newer model and have spent time finding and migrating files. Actually, it's been easier then I thought it would be but it was still stressful. Some of that stress continues as I wait for the 'potential' disaster that I fear. I may escape it but who knows?

So maybe I'll be writing a bit more but no promises. We'll see. There certainly is no shortage of topics - conventions, candidates, droughts, peacemakers, social justice, killing, guns and violence. But for now I'm learning some new things and the workings of a new computer. Hope it lasts.