As I sit listening to Irish music on another St. Patrick's Day I realize that is the way many things are measured as a Cancer survivor - another St. Patrick's Day, another this or another that. There is always a gnawing that makes you wonder, is this the last or the contiuonce of many? Now I need to say up front that I certainly don't speak for all Cancer survivors. Perhaps I speak for a few or perhaps just myself but I do think it's important to share these thoughts. It certainly helps me and maybe someone else out there struggling with their own mortality issues.
In the mid 90's I had a malignant tumor removed along with the upper lobe of my right lung. I didn't need or have any radiation or chemotherapy. Last May I was diagnosed with colon Cancer and operated on in June to have the bad part of the colon removed. I've had three month followups since and have been deemed ok, again with no need for radiation or chemotherapy. All great news you would think and so did I. But then there is the transition that occurs with each follow up visit. The gratefulness turns fairly quickly to fear and anxiety. Silly to some I guess but there it is. When everyone thinks you should be happy and celebrating life, you find yourself questioning everything.
Some of this questioning if gone unchecked or without support can and does lead to bouts of depression. Somehow we've figured out how to heal the body, or try to heal the body, without much thought about the mind. Most Cancer survivors find support from other survivors. Their experiences are helpful and there's a shared understanding of the ups and downs of life with Cancer.
This week I have another one of my three month follow ups. It requires a blood test to help find and identify specific markers. My appointment date has been changed three times due to my Dr.'s schedule. Hopefully my lab work will catch up with the schedule. So with an appointment scheduled this month my anxiety started to kick in at full speed about a month ago. An odd toothache, the swelling in my ankle on my trip to Selma, symptoms of a sore throat and real or imagined swollen glands all help to add to my diagnosis that things are bad, real bad. That's how the mind and the body work, at least my mind and body.
Healthcare Providers try hard to deal with all of this but again, their main focus is the body and what's real or what they can find. Survivors deal with both the mind and the body and many times don't know what's right or wrong. In addition there's always the apprehension that you'll be viewed as a hypochondriac or the boy crying wolf and of course none of us can afford that.
I think about others with Cancer during these times too. Those who have been lucky like myself and those not so lucky - young and old, females and males, friends and strangers. I think about their lives, what they've done and hopefully what they'll continue to do. Those we lost are missed.
So I say, thank God for Irish music, Irish stories and another St. Patrick's Day. On top of that Easter is right around the corner!
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Back Home From Selma
I got back from Selma, Al. late on Monday, March, 9th. My youngest son, a friend and I had traveled and met on Thursday of the previous week. We drove from Atlanta, Ga. into Montgomery, Al. and spent time visiting the Civil Rights Memorial and Museum and the Rosa Parks Museum. We also visited a photo display of the Selma civil rights demonstrations and march at the Alabama Archives and Records by Spider Martin, photographer. We visited Selma, listened to President Obama, shared memories and eventually walked across the Edmund Pettus Bridge with thousands of others. They (or as the President said, 'We") were young, old, straight, gay and of various races and colors. My foot acted up and got worse as we walked and stood in awe. Now we're home, tired but full of emotions and new memories. Rest is in order for a while. Below is another story that was published about my re-visit. Hopefully it provides focus on the real heroes, the people of Selma.
Finger Lakes Times Geneva, NY article
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Selma - Here We Come 50 Years Later
We all know that we can't go back in history. We can't go back to those days when we were younger, healthier, perhaps a bit less cautious and probably a little crazier and of course prettier or handsome. On the other hand that's what makes the human mind so wonderful and exciting. It does allow us to take those trips back in time when things were different for better or for worse. But here I am getting ready for the real trip. My actual trip back to Selma, Al. to celebrate and memorialize those few brief days 50 years ago when I along with hundreds and then thousands of people went to assist and help protect the citizens of Selma as they fought in the streets for their right to vote.
The thought was that if the federal courts and the federal government wouldn't protect these citizens, perhaps the presence of people from the north would. How sad it is that Martin Luther King, Jr. and his colleagues had to depend on the fact that the sight of Whites and clergy from the north being beaten would be less tolerable than the beatings of Blacks in Selma. But so it was....and that was an important strategy at the time.
Personally I dislike travel. The thought of it sometimes gets my stomach in knots and as the days get closer, the knots get bigger and more uncomfortable. It's the planning and the preparation, making sure nothing's forgotten and nothing goes wrong that cause the anxiety, really nothing more. Especially this winter. The temperatures, the thaw, the freeze, the house prep, all of it becomes a chore and a half. Then there's the poor old Beagle who has to be left at the kennel, probably for the last time because she's going down hill pretty fast. Having to figure out plane tickets, meet up times, cars and all the rest take a toll on nerves that are already a bit frayed from years of impatience and pressure. That's the downside and I guess if that's all there is, it's really pretty good.
So the prep is about finished and now its time to get a good night's sleep and catch a jet tomorrow, meet my youngest son in Atlanta and drive to Montgomery, Al. As I said at the beginning, we can't go back in time but we can and sometimes should go back physically to memorialize both the good and the bad about Selma and the rest of our country.
The Department of Justice released its report on Ferguson, Mo. today and it's telling. The institutional racism that's identified is backed up by factual data. Anyone asking why Selma should be remembered should read the report. We should also all think really hard about the attacks on voting rights that are occurring in many states around the country. Remember Iraq? Remember the people in Iraq voting for the first time and how proud people were? Remember their voter id? It was a purple thumb dipped in ink. Iraqis showed up at the State of the Union that year holding up their purple thumbs and all of Congress applauded. How times change.
Many elected officials will show up in Selma on Saturday and Sunday celebrating and experiencing the anniversary. I hope they get it. I hope we all get it. Voting is a right. Voting needs to be encouraged, not discouraged. We need to make it easier, not harder.
And here's a story from the Chronicle-Express in Penn Yan, NY about my trips old and new. Click Here
The thought was that if the federal courts and the federal government wouldn't protect these citizens, perhaps the presence of people from the north would. How sad it is that Martin Luther King, Jr. and his colleagues had to depend on the fact that the sight of Whites and clergy from the north being beaten would be less tolerable than the beatings of Blacks in Selma. But so it was....and that was an important strategy at the time.
Personally I dislike travel. The thought of it sometimes gets my stomach in knots and as the days get closer, the knots get bigger and more uncomfortable. It's the planning and the preparation, making sure nothing's forgotten and nothing goes wrong that cause the anxiety, really nothing more. Especially this winter. The temperatures, the thaw, the freeze, the house prep, all of it becomes a chore and a half. Then there's the poor old Beagle who has to be left at the kennel, probably for the last time because she's going down hill pretty fast. Having to figure out plane tickets, meet up times, cars and all the rest take a toll on nerves that are already a bit frayed from years of impatience and pressure. That's the downside and I guess if that's all there is, it's really pretty good.
So the prep is about finished and now its time to get a good night's sleep and catch a jet tomorrow, meet my youngest son in Atlanta and drive to Montgomery, Al. As I said at the beginning, we can't go back in time but we can and sometimes should go back physically to memorialize both the good and the bad about Selma and the rest of our country.
The Department of Justice released its report on Ferguson, Mo. today and it's telling. The institutional racism that's identified is backed up by factual data. Anyone asking why Selma should be remembered should read the report. We should also all think really hard about the attacks on voting rights that are occurring in many states around the country. Remember Iraq? Remember the people in Iraq voting for the first time and how proud people were? Remember their voter id? It was a purple thumb dipped in ink. Iraqis showed up at the State of the Union that year holding up their purple thumbs and all of Congress applauded. How times change.
Many elected officials will show up in Selma on Saturday and Sunday celebrating and experiencing the anniversary. I hope they get it. I hope we all get it. Voting is a right. Voting needs to be encouraged, not discouraged. We need to make it easier, not harder.
And here's a story from the Chronicle-Express in Penn Yan, NY about my trips old and new. Click Here
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Truth Telling
This entry could just as easily be titled "Confidence" or "Speaking Up" but "Truth Telling" will do. You see I really believe we need more of it and we certainly need more people with confidence to stand up and speak out.
It seems to be needed everywhere - at local board meetings, at town hall meetings sponsored by elected officials, at "listening" sessions and planning meetings. How about at that staff meeting or at a meeting with government beaurocrats telling you about new rules or funding cuts. It's needed at demonstrations, rallies, and in news coverage.
I saw a statement recently that was clear in its simplicity - Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes. We certainly need that type of truth telling and everyone should be encouraged to stand up and tell that type of truth - truth with passion, the hard and sometimes scary truth.
A lot of truth telling gets shared through personal stories. Sometimes these stories are hard to tell. Sometimes they are very personal. Sometimes though it can be as simple as getting up and stating the facts as you know them to a large group of people and that in itself can be the scary part. But that's how we all learn, by listening to each others' experiences. So truth tellers, beside telling the truth, need confidence. Don't worry about how you sound or if you're going to say things perfectly. Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.
It seems to be needed everywhere - at local board meetings, at town hall meetings sponsored by elected officials, at "listening" sessions and planning meetings. How about at that staff meeting or at a meeting with government beaurocrats telling you about new rules or funding cuts. It's needed at demonstrations, rallies, and in news coverage.
I saw a statement recently that was clear in its simplicity - Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes. We certainly need that type of truth telling and everyone should be encouraged to stand up and tell that type of truth - truth with passion, the hard and sometimes scary truth.
A lot of truth telling gets shared through personal stories. Sometimes these stories are hard to tell. Sometimes they are very personal. Sometimes though it can be as simple as getting up and stating the facts as you know them to a large group of people and that in itself can be the scary part. But that's how we all learn, by listening to each others' experiences. So truth tellers, beside telling the truth, need confidence. Don't worry about how you sound or if you're going to say things perfectly. Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Hibernating In The Finger Lakes of NYS
Like so many others, that's what I've been spending the last few weeks doing - hibernating, trying as hard as possible to stay out of the cold, trying to stay warm. Tonight there are wind chill advisories of -25 to -30 degrees again and the driveway has won the battle of clearing, blocking, blocking, clearing, etc. The wind from last night did me in and drifting snow plus brutal temperatures forced me to just say the hell with it. I did venture out today and the all wheel drive had no problem so I'll just follow tracks in the drive for awhile.
It has been one heck of a winter here in the Finger Lakes, throughout the northeast and many other spots around the country. Many of us have experienced some seasonal depression. I know this from conversations with others. There have been times that I've thought how great it would be to have a nice cozy place to sit and read a good book or two during the winter months but this winter hasn't been the time I guess. Maybe it's too cold to read or perhaps it's just too hard to focus. For whatever reason, I haven't been able to do it.
I've finally realized after weeks of listening to weather reports that the weather people are a good part of the problem. They love to report over and over how cold it is, how cold it was and how cold it's going to be. They can make two days of sustained cold weather feel like a week very quickly and they seem to enjoy it. Add to that their safety precautions, pleas to check on neighbors, closings, wind chill reports and predictions for more snow and 48 hours seems endless. On top of that we have a Governor who has taken on the responsibilities of local officials announcing no travel and road closures. It's enough to drive you really crazy.
So I've been spending most of my time at home. My day consists of some fairly long conversations with my deaf and blind Beagle. I do all of the talking as we bump into each other in a narrow hallway. My other dog, a shelter adopted Brittany, likes to romp in the snow until ice balls form between his toes and then he limps to the door with me, happy but done with the damn snow. When he comes in he loves to sit and stare at the fire in the fireplace and I stare at him enjoying his comfort.
So hibernating it is. I just can't find the energy or the wherewithal to get much of anything done. I'm doing some planning for my trip to Selma, Al to remember and celebrate 50 years since the bridge crossing. I'm thinking about painting the basement - even got the paint. Baking bread and scones would be good therapy I guess, but....But I'm going to hibernate for a few more days. Remember there's a wind chill advisory, check on your neighbors, watch the ice. Peace!
It has been one heck of a winter here in the Finger Lakes, throughout the northeast and many other spots around the country. Many of us have experienced some seasonal depression. I know this from conversations with others. There have been times that I've thought how great it would be to have a nice cozy place to sit and read a good book or two during the winter months but this winter hasn't been the time I guess. Maybe it's too cold to read or perhaps it's just too hard to focus. For whatever reason, I haven't been able to do it.
I've finally realized after weeks of listening to weather reports that the weather people are a good part of the problem. They love to report over and over how cold it is, how cold it was and how cold it's going to be. They can make two days of sustained cold weather feel like a week very quickly and they seem to enjoy it. Add to that their safety precautions, pleas to check on neighbors, closings, wind chill reports and predictions for more snow and 48 hours seems endless. On top of that we have a Governor who has taken on the responsibilities of local officials announcing no travel and road closures. It's enough to drive you really crazy.
So I've been spending most of my time at home. My day consists of some fairly long conversations with my deaf and blind Beagle. I do all of the talking as we bump into each other in a narrow hallway. My other dog, a shelter adopted Brittany, likes to romp in the snow until ice balls form between his toes and then he limps to the door with me, happy but done with the damn snow. When he comes in he loves to sit and stare at the fire in the fireplace and I stare at him enjoying his comfort.
So hibernating it is. I just can't find the energy or the wherewithal to get much of anything done. I'm doing some planning for my trip to Selma, Al to remember and celebrate 50 years since the bridge crossing. I'm thinking about painting the basement - even got the paint. Baking bread and scones would be good therapy I guess, but....But I'm going to hibernate for a few more days. Remember there's a wind chill advisory, check on your neighbors, watch the ice. Peace!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)